Invisible Barriers: How What You Lack Reflects What You Resist
Let me guess—you think that the life you want or relationship you desire that you currently don't have, is because you're not good enough or worse, somehow forgotten by the universe. I get it. I used to think that too.
It felt like I was forever forcing a square peg into a round hole while waiting for my real life to arrive. If only Amazon delivered what we really yearn for.
The Spaces Between
The spaces in our lives where something is conspicuously absent often tell a revealing story. That promotion that never materializes, the relationship that remains elusive, or the creative project forever stuck in the planning phase – these gaps might actually be mirrors reflecting our deepest resistance patterns.
When we find ourselves continually lacking something we claim to want, it's worth exploring what might be happening beneath the surface. Our subconscious mind is powerful, and its resistance can manifest as external circumstances that keep us "safely" away from what we consciously desire but unconsciously fear.
Step 1: Identifying Patterns of Absence
Consider the areas of your life where you experience persistent lack despite genuine efforts. Is there a particular type of relationship that never works out? A financial ceiling you can't seem to break through? A creative endeavor that remains perpetually unfinished?
These patterns of absence aren't random. They often point to the precise areas where we harbor the most complex psychological resistance. Perhaps success feels dangerous because it would transform your identity. Maybe intimacy triggers vulnerability you're not ready to face. Or possibly achievement would bring expectations you fear you couldn't sustain.
The Resistance Paradox
The fascinating irony is that we tend to resist most strongly what we desire most deeply. Our subconscious creates sophisticated protection mechanisms that manifest as external circumstances – "I would pursue my passion, but I don't have the time/money/support." These "reasons" feel entirely legitimate, yet they serve to keep us safely distant from potential growth edges.
I'm noticing a pattern in my own life: leveling up, crossing a threshold of discomfort and growth, doing the inner work, feeling immense peace and abundance... and then plateauing, feeling like nothing's happening. As a result of the work I do, I always give credit where it's due—my subconscious blocks. But knowing you're blocking success in an area of your life and knowing exactly why are two entirely different things.
The Surprising Nature of Resistance
This weekend I had a revelation. My fear of next-level success as a coach no longer has to do with losing friends, my relationship with my husband changing, becoming a target of criticism, or entering a higher tax bracket (all fears I've conquered). Instead, it was something surprisingly simple and almost comical—turbulence. Not metaphorically speaking, but literally. And let's be honest, a larger life equals more travel.
I've noticed as my business continues to thrive and I evolve as a content creator, this fear of turbulence has grown into something I've never experienced before. I kept thinking, "Why is this happening? I've never been this afraid to fly."
Step 2: Breaking the Spell
Knowing how to reach my subconscious fears, I had a little one-on-one coaching session with myself mid-flight on Saturday. Tons of notes on my cocktail napkin later—a-ha! Epiphany. On the flight back home, I experienced very little fear. The spell that had caused tears every time we hit a bump for over a year seemed to have been broken. Coincidence? I think not.
What's fascinating about our subconscious resistance is how cleverly it disguises itself. It rarely announces itself as "I'm afraid of success" or "I don't believe I'm worthy." Instead, it manifests as seemingly unrelated fears, procrastination habits, or mysterious gaps in our lives that persist despite our best efforts.
Step 3: Moving Through Resistance
Acknowledging these patterns is the first step toward transformation. When you recognize that what's "missing" might actually be what you're resisting, you can begin the deeper work of understanding why that resistance exists. This isn't about self-blame, but rather compassionate inquiry.
What would having that missing element require of you? What fears might be activated? What identity would need to shift? By gently exploring these questions, you create space for your subconscious defenses to relax, allowing new possibilities to emerge. The very thing you feel you don't have might be precisely what you need to embrace next on your journey – not by forcing it into existence, but by understanding and releasing the resistance that keeps it at bay.
Your Turn: What's Your Turbulence?
What area of your life feels perpetually out of reach? What do you claim to want but somehow never quite attain? That persistent absence isn't random—it's pointing to a subconscious pattern waiting to be illuminated.
The question isn't whether you have resistance—we all do. The question is: are you ready to discover what your particular form of "turbulence" really is?
The Power of Professional Guidance
While self-reflection is valuable, navigating these subconscious resistance patterns often benefits tremendously from expert guidance. A skilled coach brings objective perspective and specialized tools to help you identify blind spots you might miss on your own.
Working with a coach creates a dedicated space to explore your patterns of absence and resistance with someone who can see what you cannot. They'll help you move beyond surface-level explanations to uncover the deeper narratives driving your experience.
A professional coach provides:
Trained observation to spot resistance patterns you've normalized
Strategic questioning that bypasses your usual thought patterns
Accountability to stay engaged when resistance intensifies
Practical techniques to transform insight into tangible change
Take the Next Step
Don't continue circling the same missing pieces in your life. If you're ready to understand what your patterns of absence are truly revealing and transform resistance into forward movement, connecting with a coach might be your most powerful next step. The insights in this newsletter are just the beginning. Real transformation happens through sustained, supported practice. Reach out today to discover how coaching can help you move beyond resistance and into alignment with what you truly desire.
Lots of Love,
Legan
