The Wound of Dissatisfaction
When clients come to me dissatisfied with an aspect of their life it typically has nothing to do with their actual circumstances, but rather a deep sense that who they are isn’t enough for another person, their boss, their friends, and often without realizing it, life in general. They aren’t enough for life, and life isn’t enough for them.
The major symptoms of this wound look like anxiety, controlling others, high levels of frustration, low levels of contentment, a need for constant distractions, dishonesty/people pleasing, over-functioning relationships, and lack of boundaries.
When you don’t feel like enough, you’ll see “not enough” everywhere around you. The service at the restaurant won’t be enough, the way your partner loves you won’t be enough, the money you make won’t be enough, your home, the decor, your closet full of clothes, your friends….it will all waver between tolerable and not enough. Don’t believe me? Pay attention today to how much you believe is lacking in your life. If you made a list of everything you need at this moment, from a new countertop to attention and approval, how long would the list be?
The way most of us solve this problem is we believe the answer is simple…..give me more. We believe that there should be more displays of love, more clothes, more decor, more money, more time, more commitment, etc. If we had more, then we would be satisfied, and our problems would be solved. Maybe for a moment, we could breathe a sigh of relief. Possibly, but I give it hours, maybe even minutes, before the cracks in your momentary enoughness begin to show.
The other end of the spectrum of “not enough” is not asking or needing anything from anyone. The pain of others letting you down is too much to risk, so you stay emotionally isolated and physically deprived. You choose people that are inconsistent, and unable to show up for you in any meaningful way. There’s little reciprocity or mutual exchange, and because you feel selfish for wanting more you accept the bare minimum. In short, you settle. This way of living feels lacking and painful, but on a subconscious level, you don’t believe you deserve to have more. If you did, you would have it.
If everything around you is either evidence that you don’t deserve or evidence that there isn’t enough you might have some healing work to do around your “enough” wound. This is one of my favorite components of coaching and one of the most life-changing aspects of the work I do. “Enough”, like everything else, is a feeling. You can live in a billion-dollar mansion, and still feel dissatisfied with yourself, others, and/or life in general. I know this firsthand, and why I’m so passionate about teaching others how to take back their “enoughness”. This is the only way to truly have an empowered life that feels good and doesn’t depend on others to have it. That, my friends, is freedom.
