Why does it seem so easy for everyone else?

Do you ask yourself this question?  What piece of the life satisfaction pie do you find yourself feeling envious of others?

If we want something that we don’t have (success, partnership, love, connection, reciprocity, peace), then we don’t know how to receive it… no matter how bad we desire it.  We also don’t know how to create it. Don’t believe me?  Let me explain.  

There are two parts to YOU, and one is driving the car.

There is your conscious mind and your unconscious mind.  The unconscious or subconscious mind motivates 95% of your behavior, which means the majority of your choices are being driven by a part of yourself that you are completely unaware of.

If you are consciously telling yourself every day that you want love, intimacy, and ease, but finding yourself consistently in struggle, unhappiness, and low levels of satisfaction, your subconscious beliefs about love and life are running the show.  The ironic part of this is that you don’t even know it.  

I remember wanting a fabulous relationship.  I wanted to be adored and adore someone else.  I wanted lots of laughter, acceptance, and great chemistry.  I also wanted partnership and companionship.  I wanted to be someone’s priority.

I ended up choosing a marriage partner where there was laughter and partnership.  We were roommates that got along well most of the time, but that was about it.  It wasn’t what I wanted, and although I can’t speak for my ex-husband, I doubt it was what he wanted either.  

I, like most people, thought the problem was him.  Do this or do that, and I’ll FEEL different.  I blamed him for all the emotions of loneliness and rejection that occurred to me during our union and the years before that.  The truth was... I saw who he was in all his greatness and all his limitations, and I still chose him.  Why did I do that?  

We will always choose familiarity and what aligns with our subconscious programming if we are not aware.

I watched my beautiful (then and even still now at 68 years of age) parents struggle to laugh together, struggle to love each other and struggle to be anything other than partners and/or adversaries.  For most of my life, I have watched love equal struggle.

To choose someone with all that I wanted was terrifying.  Every guy I dated, and liked, I sabotaged in one way or another.  My dad used to jokingly sing “Another One Bites the Dust” when I would come home at the end of dates.  I wanted love so much but had no clue how to receive it, or possibly face rejection or abandonment.  So I just ran or subconsciously ruined.  Over and over again.  

Normally I found success via effort, sacrifice, and self-isolation.  Give me a mountain, and I will climb it….alone.  This created a life that looked successful, selfless, honorable, perfect, and courageous, but really was anything but.  

Does this resonate with you?  

Maybe you’re not the runner.  Maybe you’re the anxious sabotager who is waiting to be chosen by clients, a boss, a partner, or a friend.  Either way, you’re subconsciously creating what you’re getting.  If either role sounds familiar, your buried and unaware programming needs a tune-up.  Unfortunately, it’s probably not going to happen without consistent effort on your end, partnered with someone to show you how.  

I learned after years of reading books and therapy, how to actually change and feel different in my life. AND… I still have a coach for when Envy tells me it’s time to learn something new.