Stop Floundering and Start Flourishing with ONE Decision
A client used the term floundering today in a session, and it made me think of how frustrating it is to flounder in any area of life. We’re told to “seize the day”, that “the presence is a gift”, and “life is what you make it”. We know what we want to do, we know we don’t have forever to do it, but we can’t make movement.
It might surprise you that Flounder, Ariel’s best friend in the movie The Little Mermaid, was a tropical fish. He was named Flounder due to his cowardly demeanor. This made perfect sense to me. When we’re afraid…..we flounder.
Instead of moving in the direction of what we want, we flop around aimlessly, waiting for a big neon sign that says THIS WAY TOWARDS SUCCESS!
Where are you floundering and what are your excuses?
Fear doesn’t always show up in the way we think. Sometimes fear shows up as procrastination, self-sabotage, control issues, risk aversion, and my least favorite…..indecision.
I always share with clients that any decision, any experience, is better than nothing. Why? Because often we learn what we want, by experiencing what we don’t. Whether it’s gas station nachos or the ex that kept me on a string for years, I learned in both situations, that I will NEVER be doing that again.
My philosophy sounds simple, doesn’t it? But if you’re a perfectionist with control issues, who is afraid of failure or criticism, you know it’s not.
If you’re floundering you probably believe that:
you can’t change your mind as you evolve and grow and therefore change direction
there is one way, and one way only, to have a successful life
if you’re wrong, people will think less of you
you won’t be ok if things don’t work out like you planned or hoped
judgment or misperceptions of others have power
eventually, if you flounder long enough, something will force you to take action
you’re meant to struggle
things just don’t work out for you
you need more discipline or motivation
The truth is, that floundering is a metaphor for resistance, not determination.
Aren’t you tired of flopping around? I floundered in my marriage for 13 years, and many pseudo-relationships before that. I floundered in college, taking 5 years, and multiple schools to finish. I floundered in my decision to become an entrepreneur and leave the safety of a traditional, professional path. Back and forth, pros and cons, complaining 75% of the time, one foot in and one foot out, all the while, hoping for someone or something to pick me up and throw me out to sea. At times, I thought there was no hope.
I couldn’t see that there were so many options! So many roads to take, and they all have the protentional to lead me to a life of more connection and fulfillment. I just had to pick one. I had to be open to having an experience, rather than an outcome.
Once you decide ANYTHING, you stop floundering.
Ok, so maybe you don’t know if you want to stay or leave. Then decide to get more clarity. That means something about YOU has to change. Clarity doesn’t come from showing up with the same beliefs, coping mechanisms, stories, assumptions, and lack of awareness. Nope! When I began working with a coach, I got clarity on what I was resisting, what I wanted more of in my life, and how to take tiny steps toward creating it.
This fish still feels afraid at times, but I’m flourishing despite it, because I know how I want to feel in my life, I know what I want, and I think I know how to get there. The most hopeful part is that if and when I don’t know, I know how and who, to ask for directions. That one decision to ask for help, and take action, keeps me swimming.
