Ignoring The Red Flags

"Why did I ignore the red flags?!"

I've been here. Have you?

Red flags are metaphorical relationship warning signs that indicate unhealthy emotional and physical behavior. Generally speaking, someone who exhibits many red flags is someone who is not capable of having a healthy relationship. So why then, do we continue to choose someone incapable of love, as evidenced by the flag they are flying?

We ignore red flags because when you grow up with any amount of emotional or physical neglect, red flags don't seem alarming! Not only that, but a red flag can subconsciously feel like home. The nervous system dysregulation that accompanies these people- we not only ignore, but we refer to as giddiness or a feeling of having butterflies in our stomach.

We ignore red flags for the same reason we're a society that watches true crime before bed to "calm down", and why every romantic comedy comes with an hour of push/pull before the red flag main character miraculously morphs into a green flag and everyone lives happily ever after. In short, we're addicted to nervous system dysregulation and fantasy.

Someone emotionally safe and consistent is boring to someone who needs to feel the intensity that only comes with inconsistency, to feel connected.

A green flag (an emotionally connected and available person) is not going to be attracted to a red flag (someone who needs emotional or physical distance) and vice versa. So, if you're attracted to a red flag or a red flag is attracted to you, you're not as green as you think. The key to your power is not in asking how you missed the red flags, but how and why, you were a match for the red flags to begin with.

🚫 Do you spend all your time (mental and physical) focused on the other person?
🚫 Do you see yourself as the victim and the other partner as the "bad guy" in your previous relationships?
🚫 Are you controlling under the guise of "fixing" or "rescuing"?
🚫 Do you lack other friends, hobbies, passions, or social outlets aside from your relationship?
🚫 Are you distrusting of your partner?
🚫 Can you express your emotions and ask for what you need or do you bottle everything up hoping your partner will be able to read your mind?
🚫 Do you use the relationship as an emotional crutch, in which your happiness depends, or is the relationship an expression of the love and joy you already feel?

If you're single, unhappy in your relationship, or you're noticing a pattern of attracting red flags, the way to change this is to get honest with the red flags inside of you. I've helped many men and women recognize and change the way they show up in relationships so they can attract the love they desire. I know I speak for many previous clients who are now happily married, and they look back and wish they would have recognized the red flags in themselves sooner.

The power to have what you want ALWAYS starts with you, and the flag you choose to fly. 😉